We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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