I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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