I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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