i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
