wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
