You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
