I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
