On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
