you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
