mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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