Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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