Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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