I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
