so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
