You can't special order awesome
i just had sex bonerless
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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