he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
