did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
