Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
