when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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