Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
