Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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