Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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