my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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