Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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