i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
