I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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