I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
