i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
