You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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