i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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