went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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