I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
