did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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