Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
