Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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