Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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