just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
