There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
