is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
