So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
