i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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