dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
