Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
