Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
