I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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