Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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