what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
