i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
