Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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