That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
