I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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