I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My vagina just recognized that song.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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