I love black thongs
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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