Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
