Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
