Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
